Walk On
Walking on Minjerribah, to the summit of Bippo Penbean — thousands of steps under a pre dawn sky. A sequence of colours. Blackberry, indigo and rasberry make way for sacral orange and a glorious golden light as I notice my steps. Thousands of steps as I pay my respects to the Elders and Ancestors of the land, sea and skies of Quandamooka Country.
I notice an ecological succession of scents and sounds. Eucalyptus, bark and flora I am unable to decode. Nocturnal birdlife settling down and morning birdsong waking up. It is beautiful for the senses to walk the earth.
In 2023 I am preparing to walk the earth. I will walk places that have whispered in my ears, and pulled at my heartstrings, for lifetimes.
In April and May, I will walk the narrow and expansive South West Coastal Path, from Padstow to St Ives, Cornwall. An immersive stay to write and recall the history, culture and landscape of my ancestors.
In June and July, I will walk mindfully on the old stone paths and ancient roads of modern Europe. Paris, Northern Spain, Madrid, Amsterdam and Norway. In pursuit of Persephone I will walk in Greece.
In August, I will walk the city streets and parks of New York City, Boston and Nashville.
In September, I could walk across Canada from Halifax to Vancouver. However, as it is approximately 6000km I plan to drive! I will spend time in Newfoundland, Quebec, Ontario, Manitoba and Alberta.
The shape and plan of six months is formed. I do not wish to name it, brand it or shame it. Some would say a sabbatical, an extended break, a gap year or an escape. But to me, it is ALL simply the process of life. My life. A life I have fought to breathe in and worked hard for others’ desires, hopes, dreams and needs for 50+ years.
Like a break in the weather, an opportunity has opened up in my life. A break in time and with my health and wellbeing in tact I am grabbing it with both hands, fiercly. I am walking into a somatic year in a big way, embracing all my senses and the elements. Fire, water, earth and air. Touch, taste, sound, smell and sight.
With less than two moon cycles before departure, I am uncomfortable and excited. Organised and terrified. I am embarking on a creative life, a quest of sorts with no defined outcome in my sights — this adventure is all about the process.
Right now I am readying myself for purpose. Travel and writing. Solitiude and connection.
The process so far has been internal and profound — understanding how I am in relation with my own body, mind and the trauma that resides between them. Routinely (re)visiting my memories, innerlife and feelings. Deep reflection on my relationships with alcohol, substances, my career, the music business, trauma and my adopted and biological families and friends
The process of “becoming a writer” is curious, new and bright to me. Ideas and connections come and go. The angle widens and sharpens focus in response to memories, rest, music, books, images and walking in nature.
There is an ontongy and congruence between my own inner biology and energy and the outer manifestation of writing. Words, pictures, phrases, sentences and scenes appear now in documents, notebooks and typed with thumbs on devices. I remain terrified of writing dialogue, but I have faith in the process.
I self-talk a lot, reminder to Self to not worry if I am “good enough” to deserve this time, to try or succeed. It will be what it will be, the outcome of a cycle of mid-life, the learning of new skills, trust in my insitincts, shared knowledge and experiences from my years lived so far. A reclamation of agency in my own life will ascertain the outcome, as much as any writing workshop or prompt.
Projects in the distant line of sight include a novel or two, memoir, ethnographic personal essays on Madonna, adoption, identity and belonging, safety and magic.
Leaving my hometown in mid-April I am preparing to pack LIGHT. Light impact on the earth, light in spirit and light-on with stuff. No more than two of ANYTHING is my mantra — except for books and songs on devices, staple black Bonds knickers, glute and core muscles and a limitless imagination.
I have been shedding — work, clothes, responsibilities, email lists, junk food, likes, aches and pains and fatigue. For months I have allowed life’s algorithm to make recommendations but not run the show.
As departure day inches closer, I begin each day with one step in front of the other. An embodied reminder that the outcome of any journey (or process) is the result of a lifetime of steps.
I created a ‘Next Chapter’ playlist of my #currentmood — 22 songs that capture the vibe, not of walking “away” but what I am walking “toward.” Listen/follow here.
I welcome all fellow travellers from my life thus far to follow me on Medium, Substack, Twitter or Instagram @rebelbuzz for updates when the lightening rod of inspiration hits.
Feel free to shed me for any reason, no offence will be taken.
